Top Ten Reasons Stephen King is Making It and I Am Not
(Warning: Humor Ahead)
Good writers are like celebrities:
We are well known enough to get the best tables at restaurants.
Good writers are not like celebrities:
But not well known enough to have anyone interrupt our dinner.
Good writers are like celebrities:
We are well known enough to get the best tables at restaurants.
Good writers are not like celebrities:
But not well known enough to have anyone interrupt our dinner.
The above phrases no longer belong to author Stephen King.
For Stephen King has become a household name. Everyone knows it; everyone
knows him. One does not have to be a reader to recognize him either, since movies based on
his books are made frequently.
But back around 1988, even though he had already penned some of his most notable work ("Christine" and "The Stand", for instance), he was a bit more approachable then he is today. Lucky for me.
It so happened I was pregnant and laid up in bed at that time. I was bored out of my mind and was forced to write my very first novel (ONLY novel--I rarely write fiction any longer), "Clouds In My Coffee", due out 2,002 (do not even think about it, I was ONLY pregnant for nine months, you know!).
For some odd reason (hormones?) I wrote King a letter and assumed not only that he would read it and not only that he would care, but that he would also receive it though I had written this on the envelope:
Stephen King
But back around 1988, even though he had already penned some of his most notable work ("Christine" and "The Stand", for instance), he was a bit more approachable then he is today. Lucky for me.
It so happened I was pregnant and laid up in bed at that time. I was bored out of my mind and was forced to write my very first novel (ONLY novel--I rarely write fiction any longer), "Clouds In My Coffee", due out 2,002 (do not even think about it, I was ONLY pregnant for nine months, you know!).
For some odd reason (hormones?) I wrote King a letter and assumed not only that he would read it and not only that he would care, but that he would also receive it though I had written this on the envelope:
Stephen King
Bangor, Maine
Furthermore; I had not sent a self-addressed-stamped-envelope. Gasp! In my defense and ignorance, I did not know to send one.
Maybe I was crazy. Or, perhaps the postal workers were paid more back then. But somehow, someway, he got the letter. I do not remember why I wrote. Most likely, I asked him something I could have found for myself, but had no idea at the time where to begin looking (remember, no computer for me back then and a virtually nonexistent all-knowing Internet).
He wrote me back. I remember this day well, as it was the first time I had danced the Happy Dance.
King graciously photocopied writing advice he previously published in an article (was he once a Writer's Digest contributor?). He also wrote me a few lines with additional information and wishes of success (hmm... if I can find this letter--lost in a move the next year--I wonder if a quote could qualify on the jacket cover? "Teraisa, I am wishing you the success you so richly deserve.").
Now, years and years later, he is a household name. You cannot help but know him. His pedestrian/vehicle accident only furthered his fame, especially when word came out he purchased the guilty van only to demolish it--any confirmation there?
But me? I am not famous nor well known. I have published hundreds of articles since then, and I have written three books (and I am barely publishing them now)--even a screenplay bears my name. But I am not known by many and I certainly am not led to the good tables in restaurants--I am lucky when I can afford to go out to eat!
Why aren't I more like King? What does he have that I do not? Is he a better writer? Is it luck? Is it his agent?
These questions haunted me. If I could figure out his secret and emulate it and him, I could be on top of the writer's world. I set out to discover the truth and now, I am ready to share these truths with you:
Success Tips Of A King*
1. Stephen King sends out queries and waits until he hears back before he does anything else at all in regard to writing. It is against SK policy to send more than one idea to more than one editor at a time.
2. SK sends out all his work in care of "the editor". He never calls or checks online for the actual editor's name because he has better things to do.
3. SK advises others to follow his lead and to never request nor use writer's guidelines; they are for immature writers only.
4. SK never gives anything away for free. If you want to be famous you simply have to be a good writer. Getting your name out does nothing to boost your career. Sit back; they will come to you.
5. SK checks his personal webpage every hour to see if there have been any new visitors. He can write later. (SK also highly recommends you check your email hourly, too--you never know when that bigtime editor will write).
6. SK policy suggests you find a pay per click website to post all of your new articles. Never use reprints! As with other Internet ventures, be sure to check your ratings hourly. Try to spend at least five hours a day using this resource.
7. SK says to use the Internet for all it is worth. Research your future articles by using any of the search engines available and be sure to follow every lead. Bookmark each webpage you find. You may also want to print out any information relating to your article's subject and file it for future use.
8. SK finds the best articles are about 5,000 words and takes approximately one year of research, as well as the viewing of several hundred sources (websites, books, articles, interviews, etc.). Readers do want all the information you can find, and packed into one long article. Do not make the mistake of making it easy to read by cluttering it with anecdotes and such; readers only want the dry and technical information. Use humor sparingly, if at all.
8. SK's well kept secret: interviewees do not mind you paraphrasing their words so readers can understand them better. You can call it a quote, since is almost is.
9. SK knew he would be famous someday, therefore he is rude and pompous to anyone he meets. If they do not like it, they can take a hike, he does not need them.
10. SK's parting advice: do not worry if you are not interested in what you are writing about. You do not have to know a thing. It is all about how much money you will make.
*Writer's note and disclaimer: the entire article (EXCEPT THE TEN TIPS) is true. SK DID write me, I DID dance, and I DO want to emulate him--to a degree. And a word to the wise: DO NOT FOLLOW THESE TEN RULES IF YOU WANT TO SUCCEED AS A WRITER!
Furthermore; I had not sent a self-addressed-stamped-envelope. Gasp! In my defense and ignorance, I did not know to send one.
Maybe I was crazy. Or, perhaps the postal workers were paid more back then. But somehow, someway, he got the letter. I do not remember why I wrote. Most likely, I asked him something I could have found for myself, but had no idea at the time where to begin looking (remember, no computer for me back then and a virtually nonexistent all-knowing Internet).
He wrote me back. I remember this day well, as it was the first time I had danced the Happy Dance.
King graciously photocopied writing advice he previously published in an article (was he once a Writer's Digest contributor?). He also wrote me a few lines with additional information and wishes of success (hmm... if I can find this letter--lost in a move the next year--I wonder if a quote could qualify on the jacket cover? "Teraisa, I am wishing you the success you so richly deserve.").
Now, years and years later, he is a household name. You cannot help but know him. His pedestrian/vehicle accident only furthered his fame, especially when word came out he purchased the guilty van only to demolish it--any confirmation there?
But me? I am not famous nor well known. I have published hundreds of articles since then, and I have written three books (and I am barely publishing them now)--even a screenplay bears my name. But I am not known by many and I certainly am not led to the good tables in restaurants--I am lucky when I can afford to go out to eat!
Why aren't I more like King? What does he have that I do not? Is he a better writer? Is it luck? Is it his agent?
These questions haunted me. If I could figure out his secret and emulate it and him, I could be on top of the writer's world. I set out to discover the truth and now, I am ready to share these truths with you:
Success Tips Of A King*
1. Stephen King sends out queries and waits until he hears back before he does anything else at all in regard to writing. It is against SK policy to send more than one idea to more than one editor at a time.
2. SK sends out all his work in care of "the editor". He never calls or checks online for the actual editor's name because he has better things to do.
3. SK advises others to follow his lead and to never request nor use writer's guidelines; they are for immature writers only.
4. SK never gives anything away for free. If you want to be famous you simply have to be a good writer. Getting your name out does nothing to boost your career. Sit back; they will come to you.
5. SK checks his personal webpage every hour to see if there have been any new visitors. He can write later. (SK also highly recommends you check your email hourly, too--you never know when that bigtime editor will write).
6. SK policy suggests you find a pay per click website to post all of your new articles. Never use reprints! As with other Internet ventures, be sure to check your ratings hourly. Try to spend at least five hours a day using this resource.
7. SK says to use the Internet for all it is worth. Research your future articles by using any of the search engines available and be sure to follow every lead. Bookmark each webpage you find. You may also want to print out any information relating to your article's subject and file it for future use.
8. SK finds the best articles are about 5,000 words and takes approximately one year of research, as well as the viewing of several hundred sources (websites, books, articles, interviews, etc.). Readers do want all the information you can find, and packed into one long article. Do not make the mistake of making it easy to read by cluttering it with anecdotes and such; readers only want the dry and technical information. Use humor sparingly, if at all.
8. SK's well kept secret: interviewees do not mind you paraphrasing their words so readers can understand them better. You can call it a quote, since is almost is.
9. SK knew he would be famous someday, therefore he is rude and pompous to anyone he meets. If they do not like it, they can take a hike, he does not need them.
10. SK's parting advice: do not worry if you are not interested in what you are writing about. You do not have to know a thing. It is all about how much money you will make.
*Writer's note and disclaimer: the entire article (EXCEPT THE TEN TIPS) is true. SK DID write me, I DID dance, and I DO want to emulate him--to a degree. And a word to the wise: DO NOT FOLLOW THESE TEN RULES IF YOU WANT TO SUCCEED AS A WRITER!
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